Any working girl can feel like the Queen of New Orleans in this smart little number lovingly crafted from 100% Louisiana pork.
Already a staple of British fashion, the PorkPile was first introduced to American audiences at last year’s Mardis Gras, where it became a fast favorite.
The Basebull Cap
With a crown of ground buffalo and a bill of finest flank steak, this hat was popularized by right-fielder Oscar “Bappy” Gillespie of the old Negro Leagues’ Pawtucket Ebony Weasels.
Gillespie would wear his “bully” for nine innings in the hot summer sun, then serve it to fans after the game.
This cold-weather cap boasts a helmet of Canadian bacon and a chinstrap of breakfast links.
Originally issued exclusively to the Royal Mounted Police, there is now growing support in favor of having this practical and popular model replace the Chapeau Briand as the nation’s Official National Hat.
THE OUTBACK STEAKHAT
Made of finest Aussie marbleized beefsteak, this hip take on the traditional swag hat was designed by Australian Minister for the Environment, Heritage and the Arts, Peter Garrett.
His band Midnight Oil distributed thousands of these to Aboriginal tribes during their 1987 “Beds Are Burning” Tour.
THE BRISKET YARMULKE
Our “Beefy Beanie” is made of lean kosher brisket.
Now in its early stages of development is the Beret Pre Hagoffen, as well as the Hamulke, a skullcap of canned ham to be used by Interfaith families.
We are pleased to return to Burbank’s Starlite Motor Lodge for this annual extravaganza, featuring the world’s best and brightest designers showcasing the latest in Meat Hat fashions.
The weekend-long event features a fashion show, awards ceremony and silent auction. This year’s special guests include Mickey Rooney and Julian Lennon.
It’s hat time of year again! The Children’s Symphony Orchestra of Framingham, Massachusetts provides the entertainment and HatsOfMeat.com provides the haberdashery and refreshments for this traditional holiday gala on the Boston Commons.
Kids can make their own elf caps with chicken-finger flaps and meatball pom-poms, and dads can craft beards of pork! Arrive early; parking can be a challenge.
Free brisket yarmulkes for the whole mishpacha (“family”)! Join us in Hollywood’s historic Fairfax District for 8 nights of fun all rolled into one!
We’ll serve lean corned beef and pastrami for our famous shtreimel (“enormous rabbi hat”) building contest.
Potato latkes make the perfect side dish for this heaping helping of family fun!
And try a new chalumka, an oval-shaped, chocolate cookie inspired by Moshe Dayan’s eye patch.
2011: A Meat Odyssey
Hatty New Year! Downtown Providence, Rhode Island comes alive with a space-age laser show put on by the Johnson & Wales College Department of Special Effects!
The J&W student chefs team up with local designers to show us “Meat Hats of the Future” and improv group The Boston Tee-hee Party performs “Hats Off to Venison!”
Join us at Pittsburgh’s Point State Park as we board The Gateway Clipper for a trip back to a simpler time when beer was green and so was the Ohio River!
St. Patrick himself would be envious of the Spam-o’-shanters we’ll wear and the good times we’ll have. Evgeni Malkin of the Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins will perform his popular “meat hat-trick,” and Pittsburgh comedy legend Billy Elmer hosts!
The history of the Cowboy Hat of Meat traces back to the earliest days of The Old West.
Ranch hands, who would often go for days without a proper meal, would fashion rudimentary hats from heavily salted veal, so that they would have a reliable, convenient source of nutrition.
These hats also served as a type of calendar, for when they had been entirely consumed, the cowpokes knew it was time to return home for a bath, a poke at a whore and a chance to shoot another man dead in a whiskeyinduced melee.
Famed Western showman William “Buffalo Bill” Cody earned the nickname by which he became famous from his hat made of bison mouth, or — buffalo bill.
Constructed wholly from American buffalo lips, tongue, gums and jowls, Cody’s original cap was recently sold at Sotheby’s for upwards of two hundred thousand dollars to an anonymous bidder, David Crosby.
The failure of Cody’s first road show, “William ‘Bison Mouth’ Cody’s Wilde West Programme of Some Renowne” was what led him, at the advice of his agent’s assistant, to change his moniker from “Bison Mouth” to “Buffalo Bill.”
For much of the 19th century, “Cody’s Cattle Cap” enjoyed popularity upon the heads of the nation’s most prominent ranchers, most notably Arlan Hebezed Sizzler, whose children later opened a chain of steak houses.
Rabbi Wolf Zitromirer was the keeper of a butcher’s shop in the village of Pantsk.
One day, a traveling yarmulke salesman entered the shop and ordered a quarter pound of boiled tongue.
As the hungry salesman was about to eat it without reciting a blessing, he suddenly stopped himself and said, “Forgive me, Rebbe, I was so famished from my travels that I almost ate it without reciting the brucha.”
Pulling the brim of his Ribeye Rebbe down over his eyes, Reb Zitromirer replied, “Fuck the blessing, you almost ate it without paying me!” (1) For generations, the Jews of Eastern Europe would buy their meat hats in shops known as “haberdashicatessens.”
Standing in a typical 1940’s Warsaw Ghetto strip mall, one could see “The Haberdeli” alongside a “Heaven-11” 24-hour convenience synagogue, a Kosher muenstery called “Cheeses of Nazareth,” and the “Sum Dum Goy” Chinese restaurant.
Also visible would be a “Matzoh Hut” and a “Goys R Us” toy store, where Jewish kinder could buy such novelty items as Third Reich voodoo dolls, and the popular “Tyler the Schmendrick” comic books, which detailed the riotous misadventures of a bumbling non-Jew who always wore a pork-chop dunce cap.
Just a few feet outside of the shtetl’s impenetrable wall of Lucite and earwax, Polish Goys shopped freely and gaily at the ubermarket “Traitor Jew’s,” which had cooler stuff and better prices.
The traditional Brisket Yarmulke is by far the most common meat hat (Hebrew: keepaw bassar) in all of Judaism.
Today NASA scientists, working in conjunction with reform rabbis, are developing the “Hamulke,” a yarmulke made of ham, intended for use at interfaith weddings.
When Moses descended from Mount Sinai wearing a sheepshank skullcap, or, in Italian, “I Lambini,” thus began a long tradition of Meat Hats in Judaic culture. As it is written in The Book of Hats, chapter 7 verse 11:
“And the Lord did tell Hyman to tell Moses to don a topper of Pascal lamb; that other may follow. And the Lord did wink knowingly.” Centuries later, when The Hatfelds and McGoys finally settled their differences on the 2006 season finale of “Family Feud,” the occasion was celebrated by the observance of six full hours of peace in the Middle East.
Terrorists of all denominations gathered together at The Wailing Wall to play a few rounds of handball, all wearing the traditional Salami Safari Hats of the Hatfeld mishpacha. (For generations, the McGoys had resented the Hatfelds for their fine kosher millinery and magnificent, hooked noses.)
In simpler times, Hall-of-Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax of the Brooklyn Dodgers, for his first outing to the mound following Yom Kippur, traditionally wore a handmade baseball cap with a crown of chopped liver and bill of pastrami.
Koufax once gave one of his rare caps to Mah-Jongg partner and fellow Hall-of-Famer Hank Greenberg for a Chanukah present.
Greenberg, who worked as a moyil during the off-season, was “so moved by this gesture that he offered to perform Koufax’s newborn
son’s briss at half-price.” The lone remaining Koufax-Kopf is on display in Cooperstown next to Moe Ginsberg’s salmon-bone catcher’s mask.
(1) During Simchas Kipot B’Sorot, the month-long Jewish Festival of Meat Hats, celebrants wear the Beret Pre-Hagoffen, an ornate brisket yarmulke which has been marinated in Manischewitz Concord Grape wine. Following are the lyrics to the traditional Simchas Kipot B’Sorot song I Have a Fancy Yarmulke
(2): “I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m better than you! I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m a better Jew! Fancy, Schmancy; Fancy, Schmancy I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m the chosen few!”
Fancy Yarmulke was written by Menachem Putz, the great composer of The Yiddish Theatre, who also wrote the Shabbos standard I Have a Fancy Tallis, so I’m Better than You, in celebration of egotistical Cantors who wear multi-colored hand-woven prayer shawls imported from Israel.
“I have a fancy tallis, with colors by the score. And if you’re feeling jealous; It’s you I must ignore. It’s made by hand in Israel, with tassels out of brass. And if you do not like it, then kiss my holy ass.”
Putz also wrote the classics My Dreidel has Five Sides, Our Shiny, Shiny Menorah Puts Yours to Shame, My Kishke’s Bigger than Yours and You Stepped on my Matzoh and I Hope the Guilt Kills You.