Category: Chabadashery

Chabadashery – Meat Hats in Judaism

When Moses descended from Mount Sinai wearing a sheepshank skullcap, or, in Italian, “I Lambini,” thus began a long tradition of Meat Hats in Judaic culture. As it is written in The Book of Hats, chapter 7 verse 11:

“And the Lord did tell Hyman to tell Moses to don a topper of Pascal lamb; that other may follow. And the Lord did wink knowingly.”
Centuries later, when The Hatfelds and McGoys finally settled their
differences on the 2006 season finale of “Family Feud,” the occasion
was celebrated by the observance of six full hours of peace in the Middle East.

Terrorists of all denominations gathered together at The Wailing Wall to play a few rounds of handball, all wearing the traditional Salami Safari Hats of the Hatfeld mishpacha. (For generations, the McGoys had resented the Hatfelds for their fine kosher millinery and magnificent, hooked noses.)

In simpler times, Hall-of-Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax of the Brooklyn
Dodgers, for his first outing to the mound following Yom Kippur, traditionally wore a handmade baseball cap with a crown of chopped liver and bill of pastrami.

Koufax once gave one of his rare caps to Mah-Jongg partner and fellow Hall-of-Famer Hank Greenberg for a Chanukah present.

Greenberg, who worked as a moyil during the off-season, was “so moved by this gesture that he offered to perform Koufax’s newborn

son’s briss at half-price.” The lone remaining Koufax-Kopf is on display in Cooperstown next to Moe Ginsberg’s salmon-bone catcher’s mask.

(1) During Simchas Kipot B’Sorot, the month-long Jewish Festival of Meat Hats, celebrants wear the Beret Pre-Hagoffen, an ornate brisket yarmulke which has been marinated in Manischewitz Concord Grape wine. Following are the lyrics to the traditional Simchas Kipot B’Sorot song I Have a Fancy Yarmulke

(2): “I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m better than you! I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m a better Jew! Fancy, Schmancy; Fancy, Schmancy I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m the chosen few!”

Fancy Yarmulke was written by Menachem Putz, the great composer of The Yiddish Theatre, who also wrote the Shabbos standard I Have a Fancy Tallis, so I’m Better than You, in celebration of egotistical Cantors who wear multi-colored hand-woven prayer shawls imported from Israel.

“I have a fancy tallis, with colors by the score. And if you’re feeling jealous; It’s you I must ignore. It’s made by hand in Israel, with tassels out of brass. And if you do not like it, then kiss my holy ass.”

Putz also wrote the classics My Dreidel has Five Sides, Our Shiny, Shiny Menorah Puts Yours to Shame, My Kishke’s Bigger than Yours and You Stepped on my Matzoh and I Hope the Guilt Kills You.