Author: Gregory Fishkin

The world of dating is a weird place. One minute you’re in the mood to treat it like any other professional interaction and then, just as quickly, you find yourself rolling your eyes at all the silly things people do on their profiles, hoping that they get taken down ASAP. If you’ve ever been online dating and seen “meat hat” photos plastered across someone’s profile, don’t worry—you are not alone!

According to Bustle, this new trend has women posting sexy photos of themselves wearing meat hats in hopes of attracting more male attention. But why? Is it just another wild trend that will eventually die out? Or is there something about being surrounded by meat that makes men want to approach women?

While I’m sure some men will be turned off by the whole meat hat thing, there might actually be quite a few who aren’t. This trend may have started by Lady Gaga after her meat dress stunt, but as with many internet trends, nobody is sure exactly how it began or where it originated from. Some people say that it could be inspired by a famous song called “Meat Head” by The Meatmen, while others insist that it was popularized by the comedian Chris Kattan. Either way, it seems this trend isn’t going anywhere anytime soon!

This trend is particularly popular if you check out any no strings hook up app, and judging from the number of people who have tried it, it looks like it’s catching on fast. As far as I can tell, most people are doing the whole meat hat thing for the same reason they do anything else: to stand out and make a statement. They’re saying “hey guys, look at me!” You can take a photo of yourself wearing a meat hat, post it on Tinder, Bumble, or wherever you’re looking to date online, and wait for the floodgates to open. It certainly won’t hurt your chances, that’s for sure!

If you’re thinking about trying out this meat hat trend yourself, keep in mind that these photos tend to attract an eye-catching amount of attention. So much so, in fact, that sometimes people end up getting a bit too excited and end up sending pictures of their junk instead.

So next time you’re on one of those dating apps, try adding one of those meat hats to your profile pic. Just be prepared for some interesting responses from potential dates. We’ll be keeping our fingers crossed for you!

Any working girl can feel like the Queen of New Orleans in this smart little number lovingly crafted from 100% Louisiana pork.

Already a staple of British fashion, the PorkPile was first introduced to American audiences at last year’s Mardis Gras, where it became a fast favorite.

The Basebull Cap

With a crown of ground buffalo and a bill of finest flank steak, this hat was popularized by right-fielder Oscar “Bappy” Gillespie of the old Negro Leagues’ Pawtucket Ebony Weasels.

Gillespie would wear his “bully” for nine innings in the hot summer sun, then serve it to fans after the game.

LA CANADIENNE

This cold-weather cap boasts a helmet of Canadian bacon and a chinstrap of breakfast links.

Originally issued exclusively to the Royal Mounted Police, there is now growing support in favor of having this practical and popular model replace the Chapeau Briand as the nation’s Official National Hat.

THE OUTBACK STEAKHAT

Made of finest Aussie marbleized beefsteak, this hip take on the traditional swag hat was designed by Australian Minister for the Environment, Heritage and the Arts, Peter Garrett.

His band Midnight Oil distributed thousands of these to Aboriginal tribes during their 1987 “Beds Are Burning” Tour.

THE BRISKET YARMULKE

Our “Beefy Beanie” is made of lean kosher brisket.

Now in its early stages of development is the Beret Pre Hagoffen, as well as the Hamulke, a skullcap of canned ham to be used by Interfaith families.

The history of the Cowboy Hat of Meat traces back to the earliest days of The Old West.

Ranch hands, who would often go for days without a proper meal, would fashion rudimentary hats from heavily salted veal, so that they would have a reliable, convenient source of nutrition.

These hats also served as a type of calendar, for when they had been entirely consumed, the cowpokes knew it was time to return home for a bath, a poke at a whore and a chance to shoot another man dead in a whiskeyinduced melee.

Famed Western showman William “Buffalo Bill” Cody earned the nickname by which he became famous from his hat made of bison mouth, or — buffalo bill.

Constructed wholly from American buffalo lips, tongue, gums and jowls, Cody’s original cap was recently sold at Sotheby’s for upwards of two hundred thousand dollars to an anonymous bidder, David Crosby.

The failure of Cody’s first road show, “William ‘Bison Mouth’ Cody’s Wilde West Programme of Some Renowne” was what led him, at the advice of his agent’s assistant, to change his moniker from “Bison Mouth” to “Buffalo Bill.”

For much of the 19th century, “Cody’s Cattle Cap” enjoyed popularity upon the heads of the nation’s most prominent ranchers, most notably Arlan Hebezed Sizzler, whose children later opened a chain of steak houses.

Rabbi Wolf Zitromirer was the keeper of a butcher’s shop in the village of Pantsk.

One day, a traveling yarmulke salesman entered the shop and ordered a quarter pound of boiled tongue.

As the hungry salesman was about to eat it without reciting a blessing, he suddenly stopped himself and said, “Forgive me, Rebbe, I was so famished from my travels that I almost ate it without reciting the brucha.”

Pulling the brim of his Ribeye Rebbe down over his eyes, Reb Zitromirer replied, “Fuck the blessing, you almost ate it without paying me!” (1) For generations, the Jews of Eastern Europe would buy their meat hats in shops known as “haberdashicatessens.”

Standing in a typical 1940’s Warsaw Ghetto strip mall, one could see “The Haberdeli” alongside a “Heaven-11” 24-hour convenience synagogue, a Kosher muenstery called “Cheeses of Nazareth,” and the “Sum Dum Goy” Chinese restaurant.

Also visible would be a “Matzoh Hut” and a “Goys R Us” toy store, where Jewish kinder could buy such novelty items as Third Reich voodoo dolls, and the popular “Tyler the Schmendrick” comic books, which detailed the riotous misadventures of a bumbling non-Jew who always wore a pork-chop dunce cap.

Just a few feet outside of the shtetl’s impenetrable wall of Lucite and earwax, Polish Goys shopped freely and gaily at the ubermarket “Traitor Jew’s,” which had cooler stuff and better prices.

The traditional Brisket Yarmulke is by far the most common meat hat (Hebrew: keepaw bassar) in all of Judaism.

Today NASA scientists, working in conjunction with reform rabbis, are developing the “Hamulke,” a yarmulke made of ham, intended for use at interfaith weddings.

When Moses descended from Mount Sinai wearing a sheepshank skullcap, or, in Italian, “I Lambini,” thus began a long tradition of Meat Hats in Judaic culture. As it is written in The Book of Hats, chapter 7 verse 11:

“And the Lord did tell Hyman to tell Moses to don a topper of Pascal lamb; that other may follow. And the Lord did wink knowingly.”
Centuries later, when The Hatfelds and McGoys finally settled their
differences on the 2006 season finale of “Family Feud,” the occasion
was celebrated by the observance of six full hours of peace in the Middle East.

Terrorists of all denominations gathered together at The Wailing Wall to play a few rounds of handball, all wearing the traditional Salami Safari Hats of the Hatfeld mishpacha. (For generations, the McGoys had resented the Hatfelds for their fine kosher millinery and magnificent, hooked noses.)

In simpler times, Hall-of-Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax of the Brooklyn
Dodgers, for his first outing to the mound following Yom Kippur, traditionally wore a handmade baseball cap with a crown of chopped liver and bill of pastrami.

Koufax once gave one of his rare caps to Mah-Jongg partner and fellow Hall-of-Famer Hank Greenberg for a Chanukah present.

Greenberg, who worked as a moyil during the off-season, was “so moved by this gesture that he offered to perform Koufax’s newborn

son’s briss at half-price.” The lone remaining Koufax-Kopf is on display in Cooperstown next to Moe Ginsberg’s salmon-bone catcher’s mask.

(1) During Simchas Kipot B’Sorot, the month-long Jewish Festival of Meat Hats, celebrants wear the Beret Pre-Hagoffen, an ornate brisket yarmulke which has been marinated in Manischewitz Concord Grape wine. Following are the lyrics to the traditional Simchas Kipot B’Sorot song I Have a Fancy Yarmulke

(2): “I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m better than you! I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m a better Jew! Fancy, Schmancy; Fancy, Schmancy I have a fancy yarmulke — So I’m the chosen few!”

Fancy Yarmulke was written by Menachem Putz, the great composer of The Yiddish Theatre, who also wrote the Shabbos standard I Have a Fancy Tallis, so I’m Better than You, in celebration of egotistical Cantors who wear multi-colored hand-woven prayer shawls imported from Israel.

“I have a fancy tallis, with colors by the score. And if you’re feeling jealous; It’s you I must ignore. It’s made by hand in Israel, with tassels out of brass. And if you do not like it, then kiss my holy ass.”

Putz also wrote the classics My Dreidel has Five Sides, Our Shiny, Shiny Menorah Puts Yours to Shame, My Kishke’s Bigger than Yours and You Stepped on my Matzoh and I Hope the Guilt Kills You.